Flow of Thoughts through E-mail...

Thank you for grappling April, it means so much just to know that I'm not the only crazy Christian that's slightly confused. I love the play on words with service. While Sunday morning Service is socially and scripturally a good thing so often I desire to abandon it, and only allow people and myself to see true service to our Lord. Hope is hope and finding the happy medium between blind idealism and bitter reality is necessary to a joyous life. (I'm trying to convince myself of this as I write it) Last night I laid in bed asking God to take me out of this world if it please Him or to allow me to wake up in the morning with a passion to serve him, in a completely unadulterated way, purely, like never before. I woke up. Which was slightly disappointing but a nice surprise at the same time, and I felt the same as always, no bright light blinding my eyes from everything but idealism, and not enough deep pain in my soul towards the bitter reality that we're faced with. I woke up, to another day, meandering through the amazingly modest maze of mediocrity. I don't know April, I just don't know. I feel so natural although I claim to be made new, born again into the supernatural. Apart from working myself up in some emotional worship service or hearing some great news of salvation I feel no real power, passion, or spirit. I feel in many ways like the natural man sitting next to me in the recliner at work, I look like him, I feel like him, and I have the same abilities as him. But I'm a man of God, and chosen son of the living Creator, a king and priest among men, a sinner serving Christ, a soul washed clean by the blood of the Savior. All that means nothing to the guy sitting next to me, other than, I was brain washed as a kid, I was to week to stand on my own, and I desire to believe in mystical answers for all that I can't explain. I need the word to come alive, to speak to me as only it can, to renew my week mind, to be transformed. I look forward to continuing to challenge each other and journey closely. Talk to you soon,
Hope that you're transformed today, pray that I am,
Teddy

Romans 12:2 And be not conformed to this world: but be ye transformed by the renewing of your mind, that ye may prove what is that good, and acceptable, and perfect, will of God.