Sunday, February 09, 2014

Hello! I'm tired...

It's been 5.5 years since I've looked at this blog....I forgot that I had even created it. One of the main reasons I wanted to blog is because of my poor memory....hahaha.......
This is what I wrote on my iPads notes app tonight that sparked my memory of this whole blog thing. There were no iPads to my knowledge last time I blogged...

I stopped writing because I felt that all of my thoughts had been thought, and who would want to read my lame version of a repeat. As it turns out, I was right. Yet, knowing this, I begin to write.
I don't think that I'm so clever that I'll benefit anyone, or that my wisdom is just what someone needs. Actually, I'm so lost, that I'm writing, hoping that I can illuminate some sort of clarity for myself. So there, I'm admitting to my deeply imbedded selfishness straight away. If compassion and honesty are the pillars of morality, well, at least I'm willing to be honest about me. It's a start!
To be openly honest about oneself is much more than I perceive most are willing to be. I'm not convinced that it's a better or more profitable approach, but it seems to come naturally to me. I would say that one of my greatest strengths can easily be viewed as a great weakness. I am open to listening and learning, both are key, to most everyone. The trouble is that I have a hard time believing and buying, both are key, much of what people are selling.
Man isn't basically good or bad, all the time. Deciphering when they are being which seems to be the difficult aspect. At this point, I know this, I'm tired. I'm tired of hearing peoples lame thoughtless reasoning. I'm tired of asking, praying for, and seeking answers only to find more doubt. I'm tired of being someone that is thought to have answers, cause I don't. I'm tired of living for others, as well as for myself. I'm tired of work and play. I'm just plain tired.
I'm not depressed, I don't think, just unimpressed. Life is confusing without presumed answers. It is not easy to start afresh as a molded adult human. To forget is not easy. It would be great to have sudden amnesia if the restart worked out well, but I think it would probably just restart the tainting.
All right, enough rambling, go to bed. After all, I am tired.


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